conflicted love
by issyhotchner
Summary: Based when JJ first joins the team, She is shy and left out and hotch helps her. Hotch and haley getting divorced, jack is born though. JJ-24 hotch-42 I DON'T OWN CRIMINAL MINDS OR CBS.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1-

Jennifer Jareau was utterly beautiful. Everyone new that, except her that is. JJ sat at the end of her four-poster bed overthinking her day. "Why would he just kiss me." She wondered out loud. It was no secret that the 24-year-old had been crushing on her boss. Her boss who happened to be 15 years older than her and also happily married with a beautiful baby boy. As Jennifer thought about the day she had a clear look of confusion on her young face. _It was just past 12pm and the rest of the team had gone out to lunch together. No one had thought to invite her, typical. Being the new person on this team, into this family was hard. No one trusted her, no one laughed with her, she had no friends away from home and it was slowly breaking her down, having no one to go out with to de stress after hard cases. No one to laugh with. She sighed to herself and carried on distributing the files around the bullpen. After she finished her round around the cluttered desks, she walked up the small set on stairs and into Aaron Hotchner's office. "JJ." Aaron said softly. JJ let out a squeal. "Agent Hotchner, I am so sorry I didn't realise you were here, I thought you were out with the team." JJ tried to justify herself to her stoic boss. "No, I had to much work to do. Why aren't you with them?" Aaron asked curiously, "they urm they didntinviteme." JJ said as fast as she could whilst looking at the grey carpeted floor. Hotch felt bad for the young woman in front on him and stood up from his big office chair and made his way over to the small girl. "JJ, I am very happy that you're on this team, the guys just need time to adjust." Hotch said softly, gradually edging closer to JJ. "I know sir; I just need to give them time." JJ said quietly. "you're a very shy girl JJ, you only speak once you've been spoken too." Hotch said with a chuckle." JJ carried on looking at the floor, "children should seen and not heard." Jj said nervously. "You're not a child Jennifer, you are a very beautiful young woman and I cannot wait to watch you grow into a stronger woman." Hotch said, jj nodded. Hotch sighed and looked down and JJ and gently lifted up her chin. Her ocean eyes were filled with tears. "you're nervous?" Hotch asked, carefully reading her features. " 'm fine agent Hotchner." Hotch took her face in to his big hands and she looked up to him with big, wide eyes. "JJ, we're friends right?" Hotch waited for a sign from JJ, he got a shrug back, "well, Jennifer, can we be friends?" Hotch asked. "yeah, I guess so." Jj said quietly. Hotch was proud of her for not breaking eye contact yet, she was beating her shyness? Hotch was very lost in her eyes and still held her petite face in his hands. "You're very beautiful JJ." JJ had a blush rising in her cheeks and hotch let out a small laugh. "I mean it." Hotch said whilst moving his face to hers. Their lips met in the middle, Hotch could tell she wasn't very experienced. Could little Jennifer Jareau be a virgin still? Their lips were moulding together. JJ sighed into the kiss and wrapped her arms around hotch's neck. Hotch took the opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth and snaked his arms around her tiny waist. JJ broke the kiss and looked up with tears in her big eyes, this broke hotch's heart. JJ wriggled out of his touch and ran out of his office, through the bullpen and to her small office. She left work early and that how she ended up here._ Sobbing on her bed. Alone, as always. Just as she was about to crawl into bed there was a loud knock on her door.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Jennifer sat up on her bed and looked around confusingly, who was here at this time? She quickly wiped her eyes and crawled out of bed and made her way to her front door. She looked though the peep hole and gasped at the sight she saw. Aaron Hotchner, crying… She opened the door and stared at him. He attempted a smile but failed. Not knowing what to say, Jennifer opened the door wider and motioned for him to come in. She led him over to the cream couch and sat him down and ran to the kitchen to get him a water. When she returned he had stopped crying and looked extremely angry, Jennifer handed him the bottle and backed away with a scared look in her eyes, was he going to hurt her? JJ's breathing started to come out in short gasps as she tried to control herself. She clutched her chest as tears started flowing down her porcelain face. "P-please don't h-hurt me, i-im sorry." Jennifer managed to say quietly. Hotch quickly stood up and pulled her flush against him "JJ" he tried "JJ breathe sweetheart, you're having a panic attack. Try and control you're breathing love." He said softly holding the hysterical girl in his arms. She whimpered underneath him and tried to control her breathing as Hotch whispered sweet nothings in her ear. Once she could breathe she wriggled out of Hotch's embrace and wrapped her arms around herself. "JJ, im not going to hurt you." Hotch said softly "sorry, I thought you were gonna hurt me" JJ said very embarrassed by what had happened "Are you okay? You were crying." JJ asked the older man. "Haley wants a divorce." Aaron said as calm as he could so he wouldn't scare the young woman "Se threw me out JJ. I have nowhere to go." His voice quivered as more tears filled his chocolate eyes. Not knowing what to say JJ wrapped her small arms around his neck and comforted him. "Agent Hotchner" JJ started but was cut off "please, its Aaron or Hotch" Hotch said as he tried to make the girl more comfortable. "okay. Hotch. I have a spare bedroom. You could urm stay here for a while if you like?" the last part came put as a question "Jennifer I would only do that if that were okay with you." He said. "yeah that's fine because were friends remember." She said unsurely. "yes JJ we're friends. Please don't go shy again, friends trust each other." He said pleadingly. "I- I can't help it sir. Would you like to talk about what happened?" JJ asked softly. "maybe later. Did you eat already?" he asked her. "no but im not hungry. I could make you something though?" she asked him. "JJ you gotta eat. How about I order pizza and we could watch a movie?" "okay. But I get to pick the movie." JJ said with a smile on her face It made hotch's heart swell to see her happy. "Okay fine silly girl." He said with a chuckle as he went to order the pizza.

When the pizza arrived, jj got the plates and the drinks from the kitchen as hotch set the movie up. They sat to eat and watch the movie together in comfortable silence. Towards the end of the movie hotch looked over at JJ and found her half asleep already. He turned off the tv and took the plates to the kitchen. When he returned JJ was fast asleep. He tried to wake her up however failed miserably "Come on JJ lets get you to bed"

"No don' wanna'" JJ said. Hotch scooped her up like a small child and carried her up the stairs. JJ clung onto him as he tried to put her down in her bed he walked towards the door and switched the light off when all of a sudden. "Hotch!" she shouted with tears in her eyes. He ran to her side and held her, she was shaking and her breathing was irregular. "The light." She gasped "turn the light on." she said. He did as she said and made his was back over to her. "You okay pretty girl?" he asked as he ran his fingers through her hair. "scared of the dark." She said quietly, burring her face into him chest. "shhh JJ it's okay." He cooed. "stay with me please" she whimpered. "he nodded and pulled her down under the covers with him "I'll always be here JJ" he said as he felt her breathing even out as she fell asleep "goodnight pretty girl." He whispered into her hair as they both fell into a peaceful slumber in each others arms.


	3. Chapter 3

WARNING- RATED M

Chapter 3-

Jennifer woke up and immediately stiffened. Who was holding her? She took a quick glance at the clock, 3:49am. Great. She turned around and saw Hotch. Why was hotch in her bed? She tried to wriggle out of his grasp without waking him however it seemed impossible. He started to stir so she laid completely still. He opened his eyes and adjusted to the light. He smiled at the beautiful girl that was staring at him with wide eyes. "Hey pretty girl. What time is it?" he said as he pulled her closer "3:51am." She said quietly. "why are you awake then?" he said as he smoothed her messy locks away from her face. "I had a nightmare." She said whilst tears filled her eyes as she remembered her dream. "oh JJ." Hotch said as he pulled her up so she was lying on his broad chest. She hid her face in the crook of his neck and sobbed until she was all cried out. Once hotch knew she had finished crying, he got out of the bed and picked her up. He waited before she wrapped her little legs around him and her arms were holding him tight around his neck to walk her to the bathroom. He set her down on the counter next to the sink as he grabbed some tissues and gently wiped her face and eyes so there was no more tear. Hotch stood between JJ's parted legs holding her hips.

"we should talk about that kiss earlier." Hotch pushed gently.

"it was nice. Made me feel nice." JJ said nervously.

"nice? JJ tell me about your first kiss." Hotch questioned curiously.

"I was 16. I was at a party one of my friends had dragged me to. We were playing spin the bottle and I had to kiss my friend Matty. It was nothing special. There's only been one other kiss Hotch. You" JJ said quietly.

"You're still a virgin, pretty girl?" Hotch asked softly.

"yeah, I've always been too shy to go that far with anyone..." JJ said unsurely.

"well, pretty girl, I wanted to ask earlier in my office however you ran out on me, well I was wondering if you would like to go on a date with me?" he asked nervously

JJ's eyes shot up to meet his. She was shocked. No-one likes her. She's a nobody. "what about Haley?"

"JJ, me and Haley have been separated for months. We were living together because of Jack. So how about that ate pretty girl?" hotch asked

"I would love to Hotch. Why do you keep calling me pretty girl?" jj questioned.

"Well JJ, because you're the most beautiful girl I ever laid eyes on." Hotch said truthfully.

JJ took him by surprise by closing the small gap between their lips and kissing him passionately. Hotch ran his tongue across her lips waiting for permission. JJ opened her mouth and their tongues locked together. Hotch picked jj up the same way as before and waited before her legs were locked behind his back before walking to her bedroom. Never breaking the kiss. Hotch laid JJ down gently on her bed and hovered above her. Kissing down her neck as her hands roamed through his jet black hair. JJ moaned when he reached a sensitive spot. He grazed his teeth along the spot and listened to her moan again. "you like that, pretty girl?" Hotch said seductively. Hotch's hands went to the hem of her pink t-shirt and lifted it above her head. "You are so beautiful." Hotch said as he slid his hands up her sides feeling her ribs and the side of her small breasts. "please, Hotch." JJ whimpered. JJ watched him remove his black t-shirt as he sat there in just his boxers. "JJ anytime you feel uncomfortable just tell me to stop." Hotch pleaded as he pulled JJ's sweats and lacy panties down. She was completely naked underneath him. She felt so self-conscious but pushed it to the back of her mind as she felt Hotch slide a finger through her slit.

"oh gosh Hotch." JJ moaned

"feel good baby?" Hotch said as he slipped the tip of his finger into her

"so tight, JJ" Hotch said in a deep voice.

"please hotch. Im ready." JJ said.

Hotch was positioning himself at her small entrance. "JJ this is going to hurt okay. If it hurts too much just tell me to stop, please." Hotch begged

Hotch slid the tip of his throbbing member into the tight hole. JJ's eyes shut tight as he slid in deeper. He pushed through the resistance of her hymen stopped once her heard JJ's squeal.

"Shhh baby, the hard parts over." Hotch said quietly as he wiped tears from jj's face. Once he was fully inside he halted and gave her time to control her breathing.

She nodded to him and he started to slowly thrust into her incredibly tight hole.

"JJ you feel so good, so hot, so tight" Hotch moaned.

JJ was moaning along with hotch. They weren't just having sex they were making love.

"JJ please tell me you're close." Hotch moaned

"s-so close." As jj said that she saw fireworks when she climaxed hotch slid deep into her and emptied himself.

JJ laid with her head on his broad chest as they both drifted to sleep. Wide smiles plastered on both faces. They would forever remember this night.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, JJ awoke feeling amazing, she was lying with her head on Hotch's broad chest with his arms snaked around her small waist holding her tightly. She gently shook hotch in an attempt to wake him up. "Hotch. Hotch we gotta get up for work." JJ whispered. "w-what? Im up, im up" came hotch's sleepy response. This caused JJ to giggle as she watched one of his eyes pop open and his small grin. "you laughin' at me, Agent jareau?" hotch asked mock seriously. "no sir. Most defiantly not." JJ giggled again. "right, that's it" hotch said laughing. He shot up in bed, grabbed JJs hips and pinned her down on the bed. He started tickling her stomach and he couldn't stop smiling at her cute giggles. "hotch! Hotch stop!" JJ laughed, suddenly hotch stopped and looked down at JJs semi-naked body. He grabbed her small wrist and let his fingers trace recent scars. "Jennifer? What are these" Hotch asked angrily. He looked down to see jj with tears strolling down her face. "ummm we really need to start getting ready for work agent Hotchner." JJ said coldly and she crawled from under him and slammed the bathroom door behind her. sHe struggled to control her breathing as she slid down the bathroom door, sobbing. She heard her apartment door slam and she knew she was finally alone. She grabbed her razor and stared cutting perfectly straight lines into her delicate pale wrists. She watched as the blood started pouring out of them as she sat there and cried. She jumped in the shower, got dressed, skipped breakfast and left for work.

Once she got to the office Morgan was waiting for her outside her door, "you're late Jareau. Hotch has a case for us." Morgan said coldly. JJ followed morgan to the round table room and sat down next to Emily, she nervously pulled her sleeve down as she noticed hotch burning a hole in wrist.

Later on the jet, she sat close to the back so no one would notice her, not that they usually do anyway, and opened a book she always pretends to read. For the first time today she noticed the ache and soreness between her legs, she looked up to see hotch carefully watching her, studying her.

When they landed it was just past 11pm. Hotch told them they would sleep and start fresh tomorrow. When they got to the hotel, hotch went to check them in but only came back with 3 sets of keys. "the hotel got our reservations mixed up, looks like we've gotta share" JJ watched as everyone seemed to double off instantly. She had a panicked look on her face, who was she going to share with. "okay JJ looks like you're with me" as they all walked off to their rooms hotch placed a hand on the small of JJs back and led her into the room. "which bed do you want?" hotch asked quietly. JJ shrugged back, and went and put her bag down on the bed furthest from the door. "you didn't eat today" Hotch said softly. JJ shrugged again as she grabbed her PJ's from her go bag and went to change in the bathroom. Hotch noticed she was limping a little. Did her hurt her last night? When she came back he was already in a t-shirt and some boxers. he watched as she climbed in bed silently and turned away from him. "JJ?" He said softly. He saw her nod a little and then continued "does it hurt? From last night" JJ nodded and whimpered a little. "im sorry sweetheart. Im sorry for walking out as well but we gotta talk. After this case me and you are gonna talk about you not taking care of your body. You have cuts all over your wrists and you weight nothing. Its not healthy jj" Hotch said softly. "night" was the quiet response he got back. He made sure to leave the light on as they both drifted off to sleep.

It was 4am, Hotch was awakened by a whimpering sound. He looked over at jj who was tossing around in bed covered in sweat. He rushed over and just as he was about to sit down she awoke with a high pitch scream and a sob. She tried to catch her breath again, she felt hotch bring her down to the bed holding her and rocking her gently. They both fell back into a restless slumber.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning, Hotch woke up in JJs bed with his arms tightly wrapped around her waist.

"JJ, honey, we got to wake up." Hotch tried to gently wake her

"no don't wanna" JJ said as she buried her head into his broad chest.

"come on pretty girl" Hotch said as he got out of their tangled limbs and gently put her head down on the pillow. He walked over to the small window and opened the old curtains. JJ winced as the morning sunlight hit her ocean eyes.

"I'm awake" JJ said as she crawled out of the nice warm bed and made her way over to Hotch

"you okay?" hotch said as he noticed she was looking down at his feet.

"can… can I hug you?" JJ said nervously

Hotch let out a small chuckle. "JJ you don't need to ask for permission to hug me. Come here"

Hotch pulled JJs small figure into his arms and held her shivering body.

"what's wrong, you cold?" hotch asked as he tucked pieces of JJs hair behind her ear.

"y..yeah." JJ said quietly.

"how about you go and take a nice long shower, we still have an hour and a half until we have to meet the team for breakfast." Hotch suggested

"yeah I think I'll do that" JJ said as she left his embrace and walked to the bathroom.

About an hour and a half later JJ and hotch were waiting in the hotel lobby for the rest of the team. In their pairs, Morgan and Reid with Emily and Dave.

"you guys ready to go." Emily asked, eager to get some coffee.

"yeah, let's go." Hotch said, he walked slightly behind the team as he tried to think of the best way to tell JJ.

"Jennifer, can I speak to you for a moment? Guys go ahead we'll catch up" Hotch shouted to the rest of the team.

"JJ, for the rest of this week I want to start doing a calorie count with you, and when we get back im going to take you to a doctor about this, you have an eating disorder and it's not healthy, I want to help you" hotch asked willingly.

"yeah sure." JJ responded with a hurt look in her eyes.

At the restaurant they were having breakfast at, Hotch made sure to order for JJ. Then, on his phone he made a note of the 103 calories she was eating. About half way through her meal JJ felt sick. She was going to vomit and she knew it, she quickly excused herself and practically ran to the bathrooms. Hotch sat there with a worried look on his face.

"Emily, will you please go and check on her, I think she might have gotten sick." Hotch asked nicely.

"yeah totally" Emily said as she walked to the bathroom.

"JJ?" Emily called out

She could hear the wrenching and heaving from the younger woman.

"JJ are you okay, im coming in" Emily walked in to find her on the floor looking physically exhausted and so very pale.

"are you okay, are you sick?" Emily asked as she rubbed the younger womans back and held her hair back.

"hotch, please can you get me hotch." JJ asked shyly

"sweetie, hotch can't come in here it's the lady's bathroom.

"okay" JJ said as she tried to get up however the legs gave out on her halfway and she collapsed into Emilys lap.

"oh Jennifer, what's wrong" Emily asked as she ran her fingers through the younger womans hair.

"please take me to hotch." JJ asked with tears strolling down her pale flushed face.

Emily helped JJ out of the bathroom and into the SUV hotch was waiting for her in.

"take care of her" Emily said as she walked away

Back at the hotel, hotch carried JJ to their room and lay her down on the bed.

"JJ, your stomach is rejecting food, you're not used to eating as much." Hotch said sadly

"sorry" JJ said as she started crying. Hotch pulled her onto her lap and stroked her aching tummy.

"You'll get better I promise." Hotch said as he kissed the top of the head.

JJ had fallen asleep in hotchs arms. Hotch simply lay down holding her tightly, and fell asleep with her. JJ was a wreck and hotch needed to fix her.


	6. Chapter 6

I have decided to ditch this story as I am running out of ideas, it was a good first attempt I think :/

Im going to do a de age fic with jj. Will be posted soon


End file.
